C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
