when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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