im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
