So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
