I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
