Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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