Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm like, not good at living.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Pooping to opera.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
