blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
