I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
