Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
