How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
