We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
