I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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