I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
