it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
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