Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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