btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
