everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
