I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
