Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
