didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
