can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
