kristin has been a bad kristin
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Sorry about my life...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
