i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
