I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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