drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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