I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
