and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
