I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
