I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
