first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
