I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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