you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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