i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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