Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You took a bar mat shot.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
