dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Im part way to drunk.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
