no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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