i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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