when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
