i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Fuck me I smell like cheese
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
