literally had 100 drinks last night.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
