I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
