I swear she didn't look like that last week.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
