you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
and you fell through a lawn chair
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
