I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
operation harelip BJ is a go
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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