the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Randomize
