i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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