So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
