the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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