my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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