oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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