proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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