so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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