i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
