ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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