doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
